As sensitive human beings, it’s understandable that we generally move away from harm and towards comfort and safety. It’s understandable that we avoid certain external stressors because a part of us feels we must conserve for a bigger threat. Or, we like to think we can be in control of these stressors versus becoming the victim to them. These external stressors may turn into internal stressors and unless managed, become triggers for emotions that run the gamut from depression to rage. For someone who might be considered a highly sensitive person (HSP), this can add another layer of depth and complexity, especially in a speedy world elevated by technology and material gain. In some instances, the HSP could be an asset in a world that feels to have lost its heart and soul. And when one group of people oppress and attempt to justify the efforts of genocide of a neighboring group of people, it would seem anyone on this planet would be deeply affected. But the confusion of where to direct our emotional energy can instead leave us apathetic, confused or worse, misdirected with false narratives and instigated to cause harm and unleash unresolved need for retaliation.
As sensitive beings, it’s understandable that we generally move towards comfort and safety and away from harm.
I grew up in Cincinnati, OH and my brother and I attended Yavneh Hebrew Day School from grades 1-6. We were the only mixed race Jews initially and there was never a feeling of racial tension. But, when later we did have foreign exchange students who were from Russia and Africa, I sided with my White Jewish friends and was even part of the mean kids who made fun of them. It’s honestly a pain that I feel to this day. I hadn’t identified with my Japanese heritage at that point, and even at that age I was already aware that I was hiding parts of my identity that I hoped would never show. Add to that, the pyromaniacal cruelty I used to inflict upon the jumping camel crickets in our family basement as a pre-teen, I’m so grateful something changed in me and today I make very different choices. My Yoga practice of Ahimsa (non-violence) which I include in my choice to be vegan, is the sadhana (spiritual practice) that helps me accept the harm that I did to myself and others when I didn’t understand and lacked emotional intelligence. It helps me witness the places I was able to go, and then to recognize how the seeds of harm can grow to become crimes against humanity on our planet. Maybe that can feel like a big jump but that’s how I see the nature of things.
My Yoga practice of Ahimsa (non-violence) which I include in my choice to be vegan, is the sadhana (spiritual practice) that helps me accept the harm that I did to others when I didn’t understand and lacked emotional intelligence.
Being a gay, vegan, Japanese-mixed race, conservative Jew of Ashkenazi descent who grew up in the midwest and lived a life in the arts with open-minded divorced parents, addict in 12-step recovery and a mother with lifelong bi-polar diagnosis, I feel these ingredients have integrated, healed enough and forged a singular direction with a mission of well-being for all. And from this, I feel I have many reference points to see unrighteous acts of harm that stem from misunderstanding, prejudice and hatred, which I think all stem from misdirected fear. It is from this that I also recognize many forms of suffering caused by oppression. Without taking time to look within, educate from diverse sources and/or without letting emotions settle and allow truth to rise, I can see the direct lines from anger, frustration and helplessness that become emboldened and justified towards retaliation, division and war. Last night’s candlelight vigil in Dolores Park for the deaths in Gaza was a gentle moment of connection around the crushing reality of so many deaths. And no matter how, whom, where or when, the loss of life during war is a brutal reality that I won’t let go unnoticed. As we say in 12-step recovery rooms: to an addict – one is too many and 1,000 is never enough. Where does the killing end?
It is from this that I also recognize many forms of suffering caused by oppression.
My personal life with all of my mixedness, has helped me learn that the goal of life is not about picking sides or giving in to one side to forsake the other. Is there an intrinsic behavior in the static part of our evolution that relies on an outcome of winners and losers? Do we have an existing genetic pattern that led the way to colonialism and Capitalism? It may be that this is also built into our human framework where even at the cellular level, things attack and support one another for the goal of evolution of a species! The difference of course, is that we are more than our cells, more than our egos and our limited self. We have access to a vision of peace that we wouldn’t be working so hard to find if we didn’t somehow know it can exist.
Do we have an existing genetic pattern that led the way to colonialism and Capitalism?
Rather than picking a side, what if we look at the overall picture where a humanitarian approach sees the greater mission of Peace? Nelson Madela offered that, “Peace is not just the absence of conflict; peace is the creation of an environment where all can flourish regardless of race, color, creed, religion, gender, class, caste or any other social markers of difference.” I see Peace as being the deeply investigated and even surrendered path that only comes after exhausting the many outcomes that arise from a mind of duality, namely war. I remember in the recovery rooms, people would say we come to the rooms/meetings only when it’s the last house on the block.
I see the realm of mixedness as the university to study true well-being. When we can take the time to consider all sides, when we come to know the history and differences and how they inform and support versus run with our own very limited stories, there is hope. Again, I refer to this as the dedicated spiritual path that has nothing to do with avoidance and seeking comfort. I’ve heard somewhere that the spiritual warrior is always on the verge of tears.
I see the realm of mixedness as the university to study true well-being.
As a 16 year-old suicidal runaway survivor, I’ve had years to process that what I was trying to do was kill the part of myself that I didn’t accept. I couldn’t accept that I was gay and the only way I could handle this truth was to disappear from this world. Thankfully, that 2-week period turned into a spiritual awakening to know who I am beyond being gay. A significant enough shift happened and in the years beyond, I became stronger with a solid foundation of acceptance with a sincere desire to live in this world. When something in life makes us reevaluate our attachments/aversions and space is made to address our real trauma and fear, there is the potential for seeing what is at the source of every form of suffering. In Yoga, it is the ultimate meaning of the word ignorance which is the lack of understanding that we are all connected. When we authentically arrive in that heartspace that sees one another as someone who suffers and wishes to be free, the “othering” of people different than us drifts away or at least moves to the background. When we see where life’s unfolding has created individual and global pandemics of addiction and deprivation, separation and overcrowding, greed and scarcity, false narratives and erased histories, then, we can begin the real spiritual work of accessing compassion and kindness as the medicine for change.
In Yoga, it is the ultimate meaning of the word ignorance which is the lack of understanding that we are all connected.
Again, as sensitive beings that we are, this is a tall order. And when our natural state has been cross-wired with trauma, misinformation and manipulation, it may be an even taller order to unwind. Without the interruption of an unexpected life experience that shakes us, or some form of regular creative or spiritual practice that challenges the mind to think differently or to have the heart break open from deep agony and despair, we will continue to knowingly or unknowingly cause harm to others. We will continue the behaviors from our history and celebrate it as progress when the story is actually darker and more transparent about humanity than we allow our children to learn and grow from. We will turn a blind eye or even brush it off by calling one another “animals” when that statement alone is problematic for how we torture, mass produce and inhumanely kill animals to satisfy our attachment to our taste buds and cravings. As Will Tuttle, author of The World Peace Diet shares, “Our deep urge to evolve to a more spiritually mature level of understanding and living, and to create a social order that promotes more justice, peace, freedom, health, sanity, prosperity, sustainability, and happiness, absolutely requires us to stop viewing animals as food objects to be consumed and to shift to a plant-based way of eating.”
We will continue the behaviors from our history and celebrate it as progress when the story is actually darker and more transparent about humanity than we allow our children to learn and grow from.
I’d like to conclude with specific mention of what’s happening in Gaza and Israel. As that child at Yavneh Hebrew Day School, even in Cincinnati, OH, I remember a subtle narrative that likely continued into college when I joined the local Hillel group, that instilled the idea that Arabs and specifically Palestinians were not our friends. They were the “other” that we were not comfortable to be around. And I don’t recall knowing or meeting any Palestinian or Arab folks at that time in my life so it helped this narrative. At the time, I thought they were the bullies on the playground. But then, I learned that Israelis too had been the bullies on Palestinian land aka Palestine that was given to Israel in 1948 and taken away from Palestinians – an infamous event known as The Nakba. I only learned of this in the last handful of years and see that only recently has it been a public reference: “The Nakba had a profound impact on the Palestinian people, who lost their homes, their land, and their way of life. It remains a deeply traumatic event in their collective memory and continues to shape their struggle for justice and for their right to return to their homes. In 2022, the UN General Assembly requested that this anniversary be commemorated on 15 May 2023, for the first time in the history of the UN. – un.org” That original agreement of land has become colonized more and more by Israel since 1948, to the point that Palestinians live in a prison-like environment, dependent on outside resources for survival.
Like my fear-motivated attempts to wipe-out the camel crickets in my basement through extermination, is that ironically the same behavior that Jewish people endured and now want to repeat on their neighbors? Like the camel crickets, I never wiped them out. They finally stopped coming through the basement but of course, their species exists. And now I have deep reverence and appreciation for all sentient beings that started with something I was otherwise embarrassed to admit from my childhood to something I feel compelled to share about today. As a highly sensitive person, I process things slowly and deeply. It has become my nature to consider as many sides of a story as I can. But there’s not always time for that when there is a crisis. I hope to gain more insight by processing all of this in writing and sharing. May this create some thinking and feeling points for you that inspire actions that suit your temperament and can be of service to someone. If you would like to engage in conversation around any of these topics from this writing, please let me know and let’s add it to the monthly empowerHOURs!
Let’s stay connected,
Marc
